Cruise 2007
Just an addendum to my Bird Attack post......I forgot to mention that the bird family has moved! I saw them still hanging around the day after the attack, but ever since then, it has been strangely quiet! It seems that in the past, whenever the birds have been nesting in our trees, they do just suddenly pick up and leave without notice. But isn't it awfully coincidental that they pick up and move right after my attack? They obviously didn't feel safe here anymore......BECAUSE OF ME! I am an awful person! I told God that He could punish me in any way He saw fit to make up for this incident. I told him to give me the fattest, smelliest, and meanest patients at work because I deserved it for what I did. So far there have been no consequences for my actions, other than my deep sorrow and remorse. Maybe He decided that was enough punishment.....I half expected someone to through a rock at me!!
A week or two before Jose and I "broke up", my mom and I had lunch and she asked me if we would like to go on a cruise to the Carribean. My first thought was that it would be too expensive (which it is) and then Jose gets sick easily from flying, car riding, boat sailing, etc....With our luck, I figured he would be sick the whole cruise (plus I doubted he would want to go, beings it's my family and I really don't think he likes them all that much, contrary to what he says). I myself would LOVE to go on a cruise.....it is something I always thought would be fun, but something I would never really get to do. Jose and I have talked in the past about going on a gay cruise, so this is not exactly what we had in mind. But this cruise with my mother could be our maiden cruise, the cruise to prepare us for the REAL cruise. Anyway, I told my mom that I would love to go, but doubted Jose would, especially since at that time we were having lots of problems and I wasn't even sure in my own mind that we would still be together in March. When I asked him about it later that day, he wasn't very enthusiastic and said what I had thought (that we might not even be together at that time). I told him that we couldn't live like that (never having faith in the future of our relationship). All of this kind of thinking came to a head a couple of weeks back when we "broke up" and then worked out our differences. If we are so unsure of our future together, then it is pointless, in my opinion, to continue to stay together. Why keep wasting time? Let's just break up!! Move on!! I nailed his back to the wall and called him on the carpet! It was time to end this crap once and for all. And we did.....we both agreed that we loved each other and wanted to stay together.
So I approached him again about the cruise to see if he could make a committment to it now and he said yes. We looked at the cruises online and liked the one my mom had selected and I told her we would both be going. We have even opened up a special money market account to try and save up the money for the cruise. So yesterday.......Jose tells me that the only reason he wouldn't go on the cruise is if Barbara is having a kidney transplant. What would be the odds of Barbara having a kidney transplant at the same exact time? In my life, probably pretty good because she has been an interference in my relationship since day one! Now she's going to fuck up our cruise plans......I know getting a new kidney is an important thing, but so is my cruise!! If she messes up my plans, it will take EVERY ounce of control that I have not to wish ill will on her......I started to think that if Barbara's friend starts getting tested now and ends up being a positive match, she probably will get her kidney around the same time. Problem is the cruise is only refundable up to 2 months prior. Jose is paying for his own cruise, so if he wants to throw away 15oo or more dollars, that is up to him. I'm not paying for it. Barbara can pay for it. I am going on my cruise, with or without him. I just hope the timing of everything works out. It's not definite that Barbara is getting a kidney.....last time she had a kidney lined up, it fell through. So we are going ahead with the cruise plans.....pray that Barbara gets her new kidney in April! Jose mentioned something yesterday about my not giving Barbara a kidney.....he definitely resents my decision.
A week or two before Jose and I "broke up", my mom and I had lunch and she asked me if we would like to go on a cruise to the Carribean. My first thought was that it would be too expensive (which it is) and then Jose gets sick easily from flying, car riding, boat sailing, etc....With our luck, I figured he would be sick the whole cruise (plus I doubted he would want to go, beings it's my family and I really don't think he likes them all that much, contrary to what he says). I myself would LOVE to go on a cruise.....it is something I always thought would be fun, but something I would never really get to do. Jose and I have talked in the past about going on a gay cruise, so this is not exactly what we had in mind. But this cruise with my mother could be our maiden cruise, the cruise to prepare us for the REAL cruise. Anyway, I told my mom that I would love to go, but doubted Jose would, especially since at that time we were having lots of problems and I wasn't even sure in my own mind that we would still be together in March. When I asked him about it later that day, he wasn't very enthusiastic and said what I had thought (that we might not even be together at that time). I told him that we couldn't live like that (never having faith in the future of our relationship). All of this kind of thinking came to a head a couple of weeks back when we "broke up" and then worked out our differences. If we are so unsure of our future together, then it is pointless, in my opinion, to continue to stay together. Why keep wasting time? Let's just break up!! Move on!! I nailed his back to the wall and called him on the carpet! It was time to end this crap once and for all. And we did.....we both agreed that we loved each other and wanted to stay together.
So I approached him again about the cruise to see if he could make a committment to it now and he said yes. We looked at the cruises online and liked the one my mom had selected and I told her we would both be going. We have even opened up a special money market account to try and save up the money for the cruise. So yesterday.......Jose tells me that the only reason he wouldn't go on the cruise is if Barbara is having a kidney transplant. What would be the odds of Barbara having a kidney transplant at the same exact time? In my life, probably pretty good because she has been an interference in my relationship since day one! Now she's going to fuck up our cruise plans......I know getting a new kidney is an important thing, but so is my cruise!! If she messes up my plans, it will take EVERY ounce of control that I have not to wish ill will on her......I started to think that if Barbara's friend starts getting tested now and ends up being a positive match, she probably will get her kidney around the same time. Problem is the cruise is only refundable up to 2 months prior. Jose is paying for his own cruise, so if he wants to throw away 15oo or more dollars, that is up to him. I'm not paying for it. Barbara can pay for it. I am going on my cruise, with or without him. I just hope the timing of everything works out. It's not definite that Barbara is getting a kidney.....last time she had a kidney lined up, it fell through. So we are going ahead with the cruise plans.....pray that Barbara gets her new kidney in April! Jose mentioned something yesterday about my not giving Barbara a kidney.....he definitely resents my decision.
posted by Steven at 8:55:00 AM
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